Welcome to My Blog, Spammers

By reading this blog, you agree to waive any and all rights you had as a human being in your state or country of residence. You agree to place wild squirrels in your pants at all formal events and speak in fluent Vietnamese whenever you introduce yourself to Catholics. Any and all correspondence you have with me or with any one of my imaginary friends is eligible to be placed on this website in mockery fashion, and can and will not be used against you in a court of law without expressed, written consent of major league baseball.

There are only two types of people that read “Welcome to This Blog” posts, which means you are either a spammer or a stalker. If you are a stalker, I am not a girl, and I do own several rubber bands so rest assured your safety will be in jeopardy should you come within 100 meters. If you are a spammer, welcome! I’m glad to know my website has garnered enough traffic to warrant your canned meats. For only $2000, I will gladly write a post about how great your creams are. Food for thought.

This blog was not originally meant to be a rip off of David Thorne but it probably will be because I had all of these ideas to make this website interesting and then I read his stupid book and he already used a lot of them and now nothing I do will be original or clever. But that’s okay because I have good self esteem and he has yet to make any Phineas and Ferb references in any of his posts, so once I do that I win.

You should bookmark this website because there will be all kinds of hahas and laugh out louds in the future. If you wish to contact me, you can find me on most United States congress directories under my maiden name of John Boehner.

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One Response to Welcome to My Blog, Spammers

  1. The Hurdlatologist says:

    Your posts changed my life. Continue what you do so I have something to look forward to every day.

    To whom is may concern, hurdlatology is the study of turtles jumping over rocks.